Loading...
Logo TinLit
Read Story - The Best I Could Think of
MENU
About Us  

The Best I Could Think Of

Anxiety was just filling up my brain. Insecurities ran over my body. I wasn’t feeling good at all. I was unhappy. I wasn’t proud of myself. I was so shy. I didn’t have the ability to do what I wanted. No matter how hard I try to be confident, I didn’t get to have courage to act. I didn’t want to be the ordinary girl. I wanted to be the perfect girl everyone dreamed of. I thought that would make me happy. I forgot to be grateful for who I am and what I have. I was so ambitious in terms of anything. I needed to stop but I couldn’t. I wanted it so bad. I want to be a perfect girl.

 

I felt like there’s a hurricane in my brain and poison all over my body. Starting with appearance, I wore clothes I’ve never used before. It was uncomfortable. I tried to wear makeup to school. I ended up seeing everyone laughing at me. I went for a diet because my body weight didn’t scream I’m skinny. I succeeded. I was skinny because I ended up being sick after that diet. My bones were showing and they ended up mocking. I wasn’t sure if I’m happy this way. Although I didn’t stop, I still wanted to be perfect.

 

Perfect isn’t always about the appearance but it’s also about the personality. We all want to be Cinderella who is kind and always has courage. First is kindness. I thought I had kindness in me but it wasn’t enough. I tried to be more humble to people. I started to compliment more but they ended up talking behind my back. I thought that I would have more friends but I was wrong. Second is courage. I knew I was shy so I needed to change. I started to talk more to people I didn’t use to talk to. My mouth said all of the things in my mind. At some times I tend to offend people without realizing it. It didn’t stop here though. There are a few more steps that I did.

 

Talent and skill. Anyone would be impressed if I was smart and talented. At least that is what I thought. Even though I felt that I was smart but I tend to feel like I’m not smart enough. In my mindset was, “A isn’t enough, I need to get an A+ to be the best.”. That mindset told me to be ambitious and disappointment would come if I didn’t get an A+. Intelligence is nothing without talent and skill. I didn’t know what my ability is. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I couldn’t sing, dance, draw or cook. I had no speciality. I don’t have a special hobby. I just love listening to music, taking a nap and watching a lot of romance movies. I tried to practice dancing or cooking but I ended up giving up. I was lazy to discover my talent and at that moment I’m going insane. I felt like world hated me so much. I couldn’t reach my goal. It was like a big truck just hit me hard.

 

“Oh please honey, you want to be perfect? You want to have everything? You need to stop dreaming because it will never happen. WAKE UP!” ,my sister said. I had a breakdown. I kept telling myself why am I not perfect. I always felt like I’m out of place just because I am not good enough to get attention from people. I felt like I don’t want to be me because I’m just ordinary. I wasn’t grateful at all and it made me sad. I was miserable. I understand that craving for more and more isn’t good because no one’s getting more or less. Humans are all the same. We are not perfect. We make mistakes and get ungrateful sometimes. I felt unhappy because I couldn’t accept myself.

“Don’t overthink too much. In the end you don’t have to be perfect. You are you. It’s proven you weren’t happy when you tried your hardest to be perfect. No one will ever be perfect, so just live your life. I know it might be hard sometimes, but you don’t have to face the world alone. Moments will pass and life always goes on. I’m sure life finds a way and so will you. Enjoy it while you still can.” ,My mother told me after I vent. She was right. I think that I should just accept myself and be happy. I know that it won’t be easy but I figure out to try. After all everything will turn into a memory. I should take a lesson from my mistakes or remember a beautiful memory I’ve had.

How do you feel about this chapter?

1 0 3 0 0 0
Submit A Comment
Comments (0)

    No comment.

Similar Tags
Pulpen Cinta Adik Kelas
491      290     6     
Romance
Segaf tak tahu, pulpen yang ia pinjam menyimpan banyak rahasia. Di pertemuan pertama dengan pemilik pulpen itu, Segaf harus menanggung malu, jatuh di koridor sekolah karena ulah adik kelasnya. Sejak hari itu, Segaf harus dibuat tak tenang, karena pertemuannya dengan Clarisa, membawa ia kepada kenyataan bahwa Clarisa bukanlah gadis baik seperti yang ia kenal. --- Ikut campur tidak, ka...
Asa
4708      1397     6     
Romance
"Tentang harapan, rasa nyaman, dan perpisahan." Saffa Keenan Aleyski, gadis yang tengah mencari kebahagiaannya sendiri, cinta pertama telah di hancurkan ayahnya sendiri. Di cerita inilah Saffa mencari cinta barunya, bertemu dengan seorang Adrian Yazid Alindra, lelaki paling sempurna dimatanya. Saffa dengan mudahnya menjatuhkan hatinya ke lubang tanpa dasar yang diciptakan oleh Adrian...
Moment
321      276     0     
Romance
Rachel Maureen Jovita cewek bar bar nan ramah,cantik dan apa adanya.Bersahabat dengan cowok famous di sekolahnya adalah keberuntungan tersendiri bagi gadis bar bar sepertinya Dean Edward Devine cowok famous dan pintar.Siapa yang tidak mengenal cowok ramah ini,Bersahabat dengan cewek seperti Rachel merupakan ketidak sengajaan yang membuatnya merasa beruntung dan juga menyesal [Maaf jika ...
From Ace Heart Soul
587      354     4     
Short Story
Ace sudah memperkirakan hal apa yang akan dikatakan oleh Gilang, sahabat masa kecilnya. Bahkan, ia sampai rela memesan ojek online untuk memenuhi panggilan cowok itu. Namun, ketika Ace semakin tinggi di puncak harapan, kalimat akhir dari Gilang sukses membuatnya terkejut bukan main.
It Takes Two to Tango
466      343     1     
Romance
Bertahun-tahun Dalmar sama sekali tidak pernah menginjakkan kaki di kota kelahirannya. Kini, ia hanya punya waktu dua minggu untuk bebas sejenak dari tanggung jawab-khas-lelaki-yang-beranjak-dewasa di Balikpapan, dan kenangan masa kecilnya mengatakan bahwa ia harus mencari anak perempuan penyuka binatang yang dulu menyelamatkan kucing kakeknya dari gilasan roda sepeda. Zura tidak merasa sese...
You Are The Reason
2265      927     8     
Fan Fiction
Bagiku, dia tak lebih dari seorang gadis dengan penampilan mencolok dan haus akan reputasi. Dia akan melakukan apapun demi membuat namanya melambung tinggi. Dan aku, aku adalah orang paling menderita yang ditugaskan untuk membuat dokumenter tentang dirinya. Dia selalu ingin terlihat cantik dan tampil sempurna dihadapan orang-orang. Dan aku harus membuat semua itu menjadi kenyataan. Belum lagi...
Special
1608      852     1     
Romance
Setiap orang pasti punya orang-orang yang dispesialkan. Mungkin itu sahabat, keluarga, atau bahkan kekasih. Namun, bagaimana jika orang yang dispesialkan tidak mampu kita miliki? Bertahan atau menyerah adalah pilihan. Tentang hati yang masih saja bertahan pada cinta pertama walaupun kenyataan pahit selalu menerpa. Hingga lupa bahwa ada yang lebih pantas dispesialkan.
Khalisya (Matahari Sejati)
2837      953     3     
Romance
Reyfan itu cuek, tapi nggak sedingin kayak cowok-cowok wattpad Khalisya itu hangat, tapi ia juga teduh Bagaimana jika kedua karakter itu disatukan..?? Bisakah menjadi satu kesatuan yang saling melengkapi..?? Semuanya akan terjawab disini. Ketika dua hati saling berjuang, menerobos lorong perbedaan. Mempertaruhkan hati fan perasaan untuk menemukan matahari sejati yang sesungguhnya &...
My Reason
705      466     0     
Romance
pertemuan singkat, tapi memiliki efek yang panjang. Hanya secuil moment yang nggak akan pernah bisa dilupakan oleh sesosok pria tampan bernama Zean Nugraha atau kerap disapa eyan. "Maaf kak ara kira ini sepatu rega abisnya mirip."
Camelia
591      332     6     
Romance
Pertama kali bertemu denganmu, getaran cinta itu sudah ada. Aku ingin selalu bersamamu. Sampai maut memisahkan kita. ~Aulya Pradiga Aku suka dia. Tingkah lakunya, cerewetannya, dan senyumannya. Aku jatuh cinta padanya. Tapi aku tak ingin menyakitinya. ~Camelia Putri