This is a love letter. Love felt so boring. It was mostly you. Every mistake I made was mostly you. I kept on falling. But it was to the same spot. I can’t stop falling. Falling was just like breathing to me. I kept on leaning to this wall that was breaking too. That wall is almost broken. That wall can’t be fixed. And so is my heart.

Don’t you mind? I spent way too much time thinking about you. I kept on asking my friends about how you were doing, what were you up to, whom will you see today, are you going out? But I know that no one knew, and so I didn’t ask. It was boring. I was bored about how I felt, but this stupid, teenager heart kept on beating extremely fast as you walk by, as you call my name, as you look to my eyes.

It was as if every second you have was just for me. I was so happy even though everyone knew that I could be happier. I was unhappy and no one could fix it, even you. I was fooled by your words, your smile, everything you do. Didn’t you know? I have a heart too. I wish you knew how I felt. It was a mess, everything wasn’t in place too. Even though it was a complete wreck, you were still in it.

Days, weeks, months go by, it wasn’t the same. I finally stood up. I found my happiness, but you were still a shadow. I found out something, a routine that you always do. Girls. To you, everything was easy. Everything was as easy as if you were only putting on clothes. You get all the chances you want, everything you need will be right in front of you. I always thought that you are perfect, even if you didn’t have to be.

This girl, she is different, well, than me. She is way cooler, way more attractive, she is everything you ever wanted. I hoped, hoped, and hoped that she didn’t want you. It didn’t have to be her, I know that. She’s perfect, so are you. But you too, kept on falling, not falling for the same girl, but falling for the same type. I wish you’d stop, you know. I wish you didn’t, but you did. And for the same reason, I fell apart.

I spent way too much wishes on you. I expect a lot from you, all the good things. I spent most of my time trying to be as perfect as she is, but I gave up. She was way too perfect and I can’t be like that. Well maybe I could be perfect to someone, but it wasn’t you. For all this time I spent my time thinking about you, I found out that I never really think about how it would be if you were to be mine. Maybe, I will only look at you and admire you, but I can never think about us. I wish I did, well, maybe not now.

My mind always travelled to her as I thought of you. As I told you before, she was perfect, and so are you. I wish you knew. I wish she knew. I wish you knew how I felt, I wish she knew how I felt. Maybe she didn’t fall for you as much as I did, but even if I fall more to you, I would’ve gotten hurt, and I got hurt before, I didn’t want to get hurt again for the same reason. The reason was her. She was perfect, she is perfect, and she will always be perfect. And maybe, for someone so perfect, will need someone perfect too.

“But, nobody is perfect.”

Maybe you were perfect because I made you to be. Maybe, she was perfect because she is way better than me. Maybe you were perfect because I admired you so much that everything you do become so right to me that I concluded that everything you do was, perfect. Maybe all her act of kindness, activeness, smartness, and everything was nothing to anybody but, was perfect to me.

You were perfect because I made you to be. And she was perfect because I was, well, I was jealous. And I, I wasn’t perfect enough.

But, do I need somebody so perfect? Do I even need someone like you, or were you just someone I can only admire, but I can’t have? I think that I can’t have you, but I can have someone that will not let me stay up late thinking about things that were never meaningful to me. It was you, you were “the things that were never meaningful to me” and I can’t have you.