The wait for my booster vaccination was too long.

The start of my 2022 was robbed by the frequent accessing of my PeduliLindungi account (courtesy of myself, whoops), thoughts filled with only frustration and anxiety:

“Why haven’t I gotten my booster ticket? I vaccinated before my mom and she got hers first?”

“I want my booster vaccine. . . It has already been more than six months since my second vaccine.”

“I want it now! I want my vaccination like right now! Why hasn’t my ticket been given yet? Why does it take so long for the government to give me my ticket!?”

Those thoughts haunted and annoyed me beyond what is considered normal. If someone is reading this right now and thinks something along the lines of “She’s lying, there’s no way she’s that dramatic.” Oh, you are in for a ride. Just ask my family and friends and they’ll tell you how insufferable I’ve been on the wait for my booster ticket. I nearly called and emailed the Health Ministry of Indonesia. I was on the verge of complaining to their customer service. Yes, I was that serious (and desperate).

But let’s cast all that aside because, on the faithful day of March 15, I discovered that PeduliLindungi finally – officially – labeled me valid for my booster (How can I remember the date? Well. . . Once I found out, I immediately announced it through Whatsapp and told everyone, haha). My ticket was finally here! It was a big day.

I was slightly glad that I did not become one of those people who plunge their anger and frustration at customer service workers because they really can’t do much besides relaying complaints to their higher-ups. I’m so sorry I almost rained hell upon you! But thankfully that didn’t happen, and no one was harmed or stressed out (phew).

So, it wasn’t long before I planned to get my booster in Jakarta. Along with my dad and sister, I went to my grandmother’s neighborhood for it. The plan was to come on a Friday in the morning so that it won’t be crowded, and I was looking forward to staying the weekend at my grandmother’s house. Around 6 to 7 AM I woke up and ate breakfast. Breakfast was simple, just an egg, some bread, and a bar of chocolate. My sister didn’t like eating breakfast in the morning so she had almost nothing. We had a conversation about how uncomfortable it was to eat heavy food around that time, which I denied as I munched on my food (Food is delicious, okay? It can be eaten and enjoyed anytime, anywhere, even at dawn). We were off after breakfast.

Before heading towards the vaccination center, we paid a visit to greet my grandma first. I left my laptop and books there, which I brought for me to stay the weekend, before getting ready to head towards the vaccination center. After a few minutes of walking, we arrived at our destination. When we got there, we registered our names with our identification cards and were asked what our previous vaccines were. I had Pfizer, my sister AstraZeneca, and my dad Sinovac. All different, but in the end, on that particular day, we all got the AstraZeneca booster vaccine for our third vaccination, just mine with half the dose. After registration, we were asked to wait for our turn. It wasn’t a long and uncomfortable wait because the morning weather was nice. The sun was still in the midst of rising and its heat was still covered amongst trees and buildings. I have to admit, that day, it was an extremely calm and beautiful morning (still can’t really believe that the morning turned to ruin due to panic, which I’m very embarrassed about because the cause was none other than myself).

My dad and sister had their names called upon first. They got their medical checkup, then got their booster vaccinations. My name was the last to be called. My medical checkup, same as everyone else’s, was short. I got my blood pressure tested, I got questioned if I had COVID before, etcetera. I was guided to the vaccination area and I sat down tentatively. The nurse prepared the AstraZeneca vaccine to be half a dose, wiped my arm with alcohol (causing my arm to feel wet and cold), and before I knew it, she injected me with the vaccine, pulled the syringe out, and said that it was done. All in a matter of maybe 0.2 seconds? I remember it being very fast.

Since the nurse said that I was good to go, I stood up, went to the front reception to take my required documents, and approached my dad and sister who were sitting in the waiting area. At this point, I still felt my arm being wet and cold from the alcohol.

When I stepped toward my sister and dad, my sister turned to look at me. She said “Weh, ngocor tuh.” which basically means “dude, blood is pouring out of you.” The statement made my head turn towards my left arm, and I saw to my bloody (haha!) horror, strands of blood were trickling down my arm trying to reach my elbow. The wetness and coldness I felt was not alcohol (which was a dumb thought because alcohol evaporates fast, silly), it was blood. I walked toward my sister and asked for a tissue to wipe the blood away. My dad suggested asking for a plaster to cover the wound up, and so I did. The nurse kindly patched me up before I headed back to where my sister was sitting. At this point, my dad said that he wanted to handle some other matters nearby, so he went elsewhere.

Now, this is where the “fun” begins. After I was patched up and there was no longer any blood sliding down one’s arm, that was when the realization and panic set in. I wasn’t panicking at all when the lines of blood were on my arm, but after everything was said and done that was when I began panicking (seriously though, when I asked for a tissue and a plaster, I wiped the blood, walked around and asked which such a calm composure I still wonder how I panicked so suddenly afterward). But again, it was a lot. The blood that flowed out was a lot. Excuse me for panicking because again, the blood that trickled was a lot.

I began worrying with cold sweat due to late shock and panic. My anxiety was rising, so I ranted to my sister.

“What if the vaccine didn’t make it in?” (Again, a stupid thought because the pressure would mean that the surrounding blood was the one that flowed out, just think about it!! I wish I could say that to my then-self).

My sister could only reassure me with laughter that no, the vaccine made it in and it was 100% fine. But again, my terrorized self continued to rant, and such thoughts still clouded me as I paced around her.

“Am I okay? Was that okay?” (Which was okay, of course. If I had stayed calm and collected, I would know that: YES, EVERYTHING WAS OKAY! EVERYTHING WAS FINE!)

At some point, it was getting harder to breathe. The world grew blurry and the colors in my peripheral vision were jumbled up. I stumbled to sit on the chair behind my sister. I tried to breathe but it became exponentially difficult. In an instant, my sister’s initial laughter and amusement were washed away with concern. She turned around and worried over me. I distinctly remember her saying something like “Wait, are you okay? Breathe. Take off your mask.” I followed those instructions but to no avail. I struggled to breathe, I could not think straight, and all of my energy was used just to get some air in me. I felt faint.

Turns out, the commotion was heard by the medical professionals there. I didn’t realize how they knew something was happening, but one moment and the next, a doctor and a nurse were by my side. They asked me questions about how I was feeling and I remember answering with heavy breaths that I couldn’t breathe. They untucked my shirt and tried to help me relax but nothing was working and my vision was almost wholly a blur. I could feel my strength leaving me and it was surreal that my clear view of the world was suddenly thrown into disarray.

The nurse, doctor, and my sister decided to move me to the patient room with an emergency bed. They aided me to stand and guided me to walk. But as I said before, I felt weak and I couldn’t see clearly. I managed to walk only because they heaved me and took most of my body’s burden. At some point, I almost fell because I couldn’t see where I was going. The world was, foreignly, a massive blur. I couldn’t think straight. If an outsider sees what was happening, they would think that the situation was scary. I would too if I were in their position. But being in the position of someone on the verge of fainting, I could not at all feel any terror. My mind was blank. No thoughts, just “I can’t breathe.” (Right now, when I think back on that situation, I feel the late feeling of horror).

Because I almost stumbled over, they stopped me midway to lie me down on several chairs, which they arranged like a bed. I remember my dad arriving back to help guide me to lie down. I managed to rest my head for a few seconds when my vision starts to be slightly clear. It was like blood was rushing back to my head, but it was just for a moment. Not long after, I was guided to the said patient room to lie down on a real bed.

They told me to lie down with my legs at a higher level than my head. After a few moments, everything was back to normal. My vision was clear, my breathing pace was naturally back, and I felt my strength coming back. That was when I realized about five people were crowding me and all of them were the ones to help me get to that room. The nurse who vaccinated me told me it was because I panicked that this happened. Another nurse offered me to get some hot es teh. My dad and sister were fussing over me telling me how pale I was.

It was surreal. What happened was all a blur.

When I was okay and everyone started to disperse, a nurse came to check my blood pressure. She mentioned that my blood pressure was extremely low and that she would come and monitor me every 10 minutes before I can head home. I started recalling what happened with my sister and dad. My dad even pointed out again that my paleness was so crazy it rivaled the white wall paint of the room.

My dad went out to get some candies and I sat up to drink the hot tea delivered. I let the heat soak on my throat and belly. The candies that my dad got me also helped calm me down. My older sister even messaged my younger sister who was having her online class about what happened, and she was like “DUDE, ARE YOU OKAY?” Even my mom who wasn’t there got informed quickly, who then told my grandma, which was why while I was lying down, my grandma suddenly appeared after rushing from her house, shocked and worried. She said I didn’t eat enough, but we all knew I actually did eat!

When the nurse came to check my blood pressure again it was still low but it was improving, so she released me and allowed us to head home after that.

Since I didn’t want to trouble my grandma if anything happened again, I decided not to stay the weekend. I was afraid something like this would happen to me again. Plus, I just got vaccinated, who knows what kind of trouble I’ll be, getting a fever and headaches and all (Spoiler alert: I did not get a fever, but I got a massive headache for a few days which drained my whole strength and spirit). So, we got lunch (they told me to eat much to get some strength back haha!) before going back.

I’m used to being called “ugal” (which basically means clumsy) but what a day and what an adventure it was. I’m pretty sure my panic and anxiety were the causes of this incident, but what has passed has passed. Thus, ends my absurd and embarrassing experience of almost fainting, troubling everyone, and making such a ruckus, just because I was getting my booster vaccine.