Dear Anonymous,

Our relationship has always been complicated, huh?

At least, for me, haha!

We’re friends. We’re just friends. Some could even say that we were just acquaintances, barely friends. Yet, I’ve always felt this aching urge that we could be so much more.

I remember when we first met. (Do you?). I remember you were a transfer student from another school. I remember you introducing yourself in front of our large class of forty students. I remember sitting on the rear of the class not paying attention.

I can’t remember how long it took for us to finally talk to each other but it took quite some time, didn’t it? You were friends with a friend of mine and then I was finally, formally, introduced to you. (I couldn’t be more grateful.)

I definitely can remember all the laughter we had, all the inside jokes we had and all the smiles we gave each other once we clicked. I know we didn’t talk that much but every time we did, I loved every second of it.

We fitted so well, like two puzzle pieces that needed each other to be complete.

I had no idea if you felt the same way, and I was too terrified to ask.

And I guess, it all drastically changed at some point. I knew you felt that something was wrong between us and I’m admitting it now that I was actually the reason.

You know, it happened so fast and so quickly. It was an instinctive decision. Once I realized I wanted more from our relationship, I locked myself up from you. I didn’t want change. Our relationship hadn’t even made it as far as close friends. I started talking to you less, even with the butterfly fluttering constantly in my stomach. I started deliberately ignoring you, even with a heavy heart that seemed to want to drown me. I began looking away when our eyes met, even with the choking feeling that just wouldn’t disappear.

We drifted apart, just because I was a coward. We seldom hung out, just because I wanted to make my feelings vanish. We rarely saw each other, just because there were words I was afraid to say. (I was extremely selfish, I had no excuse.)

When we reached our final year in high school, we were barely friends.

I was heartbroken when you began going out with another girl, even if I had no right whatsoever to feel that way. I could only pretend that I was okay. I could only smile as you smile with someone other than me. I could only watch in pain as you laugh with someone other than me.

We then graduated and went our separate ways. (You happily, me miserably.)

For four years, I haven’t once told you my feelings. There are words still unsaid that I have always wanted to tell you.

...I loved you.

(And I still do.)

Until now, I am filled with nothing but regret.

Yours,

Lucy