I currently feel terrible, yet i cant feel anything. I feel so empty, yet feel so full of emptiness. My life feels like the perfect mess and I have everything but nothing. My life contradicts itself and i hate it. But I love myself. I just hate the fact that i hate myself. I'm so filled with emotions at the moment and I can't explain what's happening. I kept on blaming myself since "that" day.

I remember. I remember what happened on "that" day. I remember every single word that cam out of your mouth that day. 

Your words reminded me of how fragile I am.

~~~~

"Maybe I'm not a good person. But I also have a heart. A heart that can be fragile easily. Just like everyone else, I have feelings. I can be happy. I can be sad. I can feel lonely. But on the contrary, always feel sad. I always feel alone. I also want to feel happy. But why does it seem like that wont be possible for me? Is it actually possible for a loser like me will feel happiness?", you said.

Your words sounded like complete nonsense to me.

"I always feel sad"

"I always feel alone"

"Is it possible that a loser like me will feel happiness?"

I looked at you and said, "But, you have me, right? I'm here to make you feel happy. Im here to accompany you. And I'm here, trying to make you feel happiness."

You went silent.

"Are you not happy with my presence? Are you not happy that I tried to make you happy?"

You were still silent. You just stared at me with your icy blue eyes.

"Do you actually love me? Do you actually care about my presence?"

You sighed. But then again, you went silent.

"Do you actually respect all the things that I did for you? Do you actually listen to me when I say 'i love you'? Do you actually care about any of that?"

You gave me a look. A look that told me everything.

That was when I realized.

You never loved me. You never actually cared about me. You never respect all the good things I did for you. Sometimes, you even forgot that I exist.

My love and attention weren't enough for you.

"I'm sorry, Hailey. I don't know what's wrong with me. I started dating you when I didn't even feel any love for you.", you told me. "I know. I sound like a complete nonsense. But i dont care."

"Why dont you ever told me about it?" I asked.

"I was afraid that you'll get hurt. And i don't want to see you getting hurt because of me."

"It has been 3 years. 3 years. And you hadn't told me a single word about it, until now." I glared at you. "I get hurt more when people keep secrets from me."

"I'm so sorry, Hailey. I--" , you started.

"No," I interrupted. "Your apology wont ever be enough for me."

"You're really feeling hurt, aren't you?" you asked.

Without saying a word, I grabbed a small furniture from the table and threw it to a window, causing it to shatter. Afterwards, I picked up one of the broken glass pieces and held it infront of your face. 

"I'm as fragile as this glass. Once you make me shatter, I wont be perfect anymore. You could put me back together, but I'll stay shattered. You won't be able to fix me entirely." I told you.

You looked down to your feet, not saying a single word.

"I thought you loved me this entire time. I thought you appreciate all the love and attention I've given to you. I expected better from you. And don't ever ask for my forgiveness. You've crossed the line. I won't regret saying this. We are over."

As soon as I said that, I slammed the door.

I stepped outside. The light breeze blew some strands of my hair. It relaxed my mind, but on the same time, I thought of something. Something that I never knew I would think about.

"I wish I could ecplain the pain everytime I see you now. I wish we were the same Romeo and Juliet. Dying for each other, breathing the same air. For the nighta became too long. My heart grew weak and my brain grew ill."

"Maybe, I'm still waiting for the day I feel the same love I felt for you."

"Maybe."