We live in a place where society said that girls should be skinny to be pretty, girls should have small waist to be attractive, and a pretty face to be surrounded by the wanted boys at school. That’s probably the definition of perfect, but I don’t have one in me. I look like a monster, I have a weird face and a body full of fat that everyone don’t want to have. I want to be like them. The pretty girls at school who don’t look like a loser just like who I am. I don’t have a pretty face like they do.

The rules to be pretty. Wake up, take a shower, pick the elegant black dress and wear them on your skin even though you’re not comfortable wearing it. Apply some make up on your face, 10 pounds is enough,  don’t miss one or you’ll be called ugly. Choose the high quality heels, that makes you look tall and not the laughing material at school. Next step is to style your hair into wavy curls, you don’t want everyone at school seeing your natural hair which looks like a bird’s nest.  As I walk in front of the mirror, I see a stranger that somehow take over my soul because I have never had them before, they’re fake. But those are the rules to be pretty, the rules to be the one who have the respect from people at school. 

Be skinny to be beautiful. “Eat your breakfast, honey.” Mom said, but I already have them food fully filled  inside my stomach, I am not supposed to eat breakfast to be skinny. “Thanks mom but I am late, I have to go now, bye.” That’s the only thing that come out from my mouth. I actually want to eat them but I know I shouldn’t. How can I be so insecure about myself, people said to be yourself but myself is not as perfect as the other people, myself just make my friends laugh at me and disrespect me more than they already do. I don’t want it to happen, so I have the strong willingness to change myself into them.

You have to be popular. Hangout with them popular kids at school so you are noticed by all of the school’s  population. I, myself, don’t even like them, they’re known as the most mischievous kids that often cause trouble by bullying people they call loser, laugh at them and even make the person they bullied suicidal. But hey, they are the kings and queens of this school, they are the ones who rule this school, I can’t leave this opportunity to be popular and well-known by others.

The school’s bathroom is like my second home, it’s the place where I can cry myself out, I let all of my sadness out. Every time I cry, my make up fade and I have to use them again, I’ll have to bring my make up pouch to school everyday just for this. I feel the anxiety and depression combined rushing through my veins and I can’t stop it, it’s just a habit of mine, I know it’s bad, I should’ve met a psychiatrist but I have never told my mom about this. I’ll just let it be.

Last one, clean yourself up. Undress yourself. “Did I get fatter?” “Who are you?” “Wow you look like a lost alien on earth” “How can a person be this fat”. Those sentences come out from my mind every time I put my make up off. How can I have a perfect body like her. I wish I have her body, I wish I have her kindness, I wish I have her popularity, I wish I have her self confidence, I wish I have her pretty mind. I am just a useless kid who don’t deserve living in this world.

But I thought wrong.

Society said that I have to be pretty, to have small thighs, to have big eyes, to have a beautiful hair, to have a perfect straight white teeth, to have skinny waist, to have a big amount of popularity just to get respected by others.

Society is false.

I am who I am, I can express me being myself, not them, I can eat those foods every time I want, I can wear what I want to express myself, I don’t have to put make up too much just to impress people. No. I said to myself that no one’s perfect and everyone can be anything they want to.

I can be myself, the better me.